I got to contemplating and speaking with power animals, and we figured out what was going on. T-rex steps in and out as a helping spirit (often when I don’t even realize I need them) , and I am likely fictionhearted regarding Godzilla. I admit I’m still getting over some initial “well that’s bullshit” regarding fictionkin and fictionhearted, but it took me a long time to get over thinking otherkin were bullshit. Baby steps.
Today, I suppose, is just one of those days. As in, a fun “let’s play Dodge the Migraine” days. But, hey, I started it off with a video about dinosaurs, so that’s pretty great.
And then I got to thinking about kintypes. I remember walking with my heels up, toes first, sometimes leaned over like I had a tail (or maybe a chicken with a plunger on its butt). There are days when I still do this. My tail feels more real, but my wings feel smaller, less pronounced. I grew up loving dinosaurs and my attraction to them never stopped. That way of walking around, tail straight out and body leaning forward?
It makes me feel like a Tyrannosauroid. Thing is, while I believe in reincarnation, I’ve never really felt a past life (not consciously anyway). Recognizing this feeling is a new thing. Well, kind of. I think I’ve felt it before after watching some Godzilla movies; his roar lights a fire in me. I’m still getting used to having one kintype, so I’m not sure how I’d handle having several, or even dealing with kinfeels instead of kintypes. It’s a strange new world despite knowing for years that I’m a gargoyle. I should meditate more, I know, and I am very forgetful with such matters.
Denying these feelings just screams “unhealthy” to me. Thing is, I don’t know what to do with them yet. Long-time kin, I’m reaching out for help. Other than meditation, do you have any other advice or suggestions you wish to share? I would be most grateful for it.
Ha ha, look at me trying to post. I keep saying I’ll do it more, but I know me. I really should put Dreamwidth/Wordpress on my daily log-in list. Putting more effort into things and being organized isn’t exactly a resolution, but I need to do it. Besides, I know I need to share more, open up some and move past fear. And, believe me, I’m full of fear. Fear and anxiety. I’m getting better, but I need to push myself some.
Deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths. I got this. I got this.
On the off chance anyone following me has my email address saved (or may want to email me later), my old address cratered.
This is what I get for using a service that requires monthly sign-ins.
I’ve updated the address connected to this blog and all my other websites. Yep, all two of them.
I remember waiting for Legendary’s Godzilla to come out. I watched the trailers, listened to his roar, sat on pins and needles as the release date inched closer.
I went to see the film the day it was released. I took a dear friend with me, and I shelled out for IMAX tickets (why see daikaiju on a screen less than twenty feet tall?). We waited in line to file into the theater and claim seats. Given the number of people, we did alright. We chatted, watched AMC’s pre-film stuff, made whispered comments about the preview trailers, then promptly hushed ourselves when the THX sound test started.
I had heard Godzilla’s new roar.
I knew it practically by heart.
Nothing prepared me for that first, glorious SKREEEEEEONGK that tore through the theater. It was exhilarating. Energizing. I wanted to roar back; call-and-response. I still do.
Sometimes, when the house is empty, I call back.
I was having trouble logging into WordPress for a good long while. Every time I tried, my address bar would flash yellow and I’d be dumped back to the login page. Turns out the Clean Links addon was messing with several websites I frequent. I’ve disabled it for now, but if anyone else out there uses Clean Links and figured out a different workaround, I’d love to hear about it.
And now, a copypasta cross-post from DW:
Jan. 29th, 2015
I completely forgot this blog existed for a while. Whups.
Anywho, I’m going to attempt an update post here. There really isn’t much kin-related going on that I know of, but at this point I’m okay with just throwing some stuff out there just to have it written down. Besides, maybe the things I write now will be important later on. You never know.
First, I’d like to address my last post. I can safely say I haven’t had another “yes, let us dive face-first into some raw meat” moment. I should consider keeping a log for things like this. Then again, I don’t always record my dreams in my dream journal. Still, I should at least try. I have plenty of spare notebooks, after all.
Second, I’ve actually started back up with some off-and-on spiritual work. There was a time when I set aside one day a week to read, meditate, reflect, things like that. Then I fell out of the habit. Really, it’s a pattern. I keep a groove going where I stay on-track, then I miss or forget one day and I just flat-out lose what I was doing. My capacity to make and break habits is amazing. Annoying. Amazingly annoying. It’s another thing to be worked on.
I have no idea how many paragraphs this is going to take. I’ll just break free of the numbering system for now. Brace for rambling and subject-hopping.
Much of my time has been spent idling and procrastinating. Not a good way to burn hours, but it’s the one habit I haven’t managed to break. Classes, I think, have been going well. I’ve noticed that I spend more time this semester on Anatomy & Physiology than any other subject. Granted, we’re doing organic- and bio-chemistry right now, which has not been my strong suit. I have three other classes right now, but it’s so easy to just let myself get lost in human structure and function that I just let other deadlines creep up on me. It’s honestly making me question if paralegal studies is what I should be in, or if I ought to switch over to something that would put my penchant for bits to good use. But I am a chronic major-hopper, and I fear completion. Finishing this and moving on from college is nerve-wracking for me. Will I survive in the world? Am I really ready for it? Did I somehow pass into adulthood, or am I still just a kid waiting for my parents to do everything?
And there’s the anxiety. Yeesh.
Perhaps weaving my soul-work in with my everyday work will help. I need confidence in both departments, and it may do some distinct good to learn balance. I’m only slightly off-kilter (at minimum); figuring out how to pull myself together and keep work and play from interfering with each other… yeah, I need to do that.
We are never done working, learning, looking, improving, and the storm is never as terrifying as the anticipation of it.